Safety And Alertness:

A few days ago, Nina’s purse was stolen from her handsome handbag that she was hauling. She informed me about it via text message. It was already late in the evening when I got the message. To make it even worse, there was a huge chunk of cash in the purse, which was meant for some weekly expenditure and monthly bills. To be honest, I was quite infuriated at first. Why do you need to haul out so much cash? Why didn’t she just use the electronic banking system and pay all the bills online, which were far more easier and far safer, rather than having to go out to the teller machine, withdraw a huge amount of cash, which of course would definitely attract the ever curious and nosy Rusty Ryans and Danny Oceans, and doing it manually? And why in hell did I not accentuate her about this earlier? So much for being a dependable guy huh.

Well, at least Nina was OK. A bit shaken, but OK. Alhamdulillah. With all these snatch thieves son of bitches running around freely, sniffing around like reservoir dogs that they truly are, snatching hand bags from some poor old women across the streets, sometimes causing serious injuries and deaths, I am thankful that Nina was left unharmed, safe and sound. I was informed by Nina later on that night that they, the security guards have found the purse in the shopping Mall’s men’s room, everything still intact except the cash. 

Two simple and very important lessons that can we can learn in the above predicament which are first; use the electronic banking system. It is easier, faster and safer. Second; when your girlfriend’s purse end up stolen, try and contain yourself from gnashing your teeth, because by being angry at something like that, purse stolen, car keys missing, favorite lingerie misplaced etc, which was beyond your control anyway, you will end up putting her in a tougher spot than she’s already in, an unnecessary stress. It aint gonna solve the problem. The best thing to do is to try and calm her down. Give her your moral support. If you were with her at that time, give her a warm hug. Let her know that everything is going to be alright and what ever happens, you will always be there for her. Let her know that. This will give her comfort. It will definitely lift her up from her current desolation and misery. Go back home, make her a cup of warm Milo and continue hugging her until the sobbing stops. Wait for the next day, then barulah give her your world famous personal holy sermon on safety and alertness. It will register quicker. 

I got the above tip from my short read of the foreword to the infamous Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, written by John Gray, while I was waiting for the cute Kinokuniya girl to finish wrapping my evil books, earlier in the afternoon. 

Island Red Cafe:

To be honest, I never had any curiosity and interest in any freaking Multi Level Marketing program, what more to join any of the shits. Yes, I do refer to them as shits sometime. As far as I could commit to memory, I was spooned with various types of multi level programs since my university days. Back in those days, Omega Trend was one of the first few program to storm the university and unluckily for me, one of my roommates joined and sank deep into this Omega Trend obsession. Why? Because one of his friends which was also another mutual friend of mine made big bucks out of it. I did not know how big but I was made to understand that it covered five freaking figures. For a university undergraduate who depends solely on government loan that was quite a lot of money. Everybody was like, went nuts about the whole awesomeness, including this room mate of mine. And I was like, OK, I am pretty much dead. Luckily through out that colossal rage, I was able to turn on my super sonic velocity superhero mode in full force, thus with out much problem, I was able to shield myself from that nasty little bugger.

A few days ago, I lost my Multi Level Marketing virginity to Island Red Café. Island Red fucking Café. Nina was against the idea and I almost got myself a tongue lashing when I first told her I joined an MLM program. It’s a waste of money abang, I remember she told me. A few days later, when I checked my Island Red Café members account, I found out to my own amazement that I have already earned RM452. I remember texting Nina and told her that I was already earning. In a classic female reaction she wrote me back; EARN MORE! Hahaha. Maybe that RM400k Rawang three storey, six bedrooms, six toilets, a wardrobe and swimming pool semi detached landed property idea aint such a bad idea after all. Kan sayang? 

Evil Books Are Influential:

Yesterday, I went to my favorite bookstore, the mighty Kinokuniya KLCC. Nina always thought that MPH is much more superior and better than my mighty Kinokuniya. Oh, how wrong could that girl be? I pray that someday she will be able to see the light, to embrace the supremacy and the incomparability of the mighty Kinokuniya. Anyway, I went there to get me some pocket notebooks on investments and business laws but end up having a go, spending RM200 buying me four of the most compelling, most appealing and attention-grabbing (how can you not buy with such persuasiveness at hand?) books that have ever existed on the face of this earth since time immemorial. Only later on I realized that it had no, not even a slight, significance to any bloody investments tips or business laws whatsoever. My bad.

2 of them were about Rock n Roll. One was about gangsters in Brazil. And another one was Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook.

Typical me BUT how do you expect me to respond and react against such spellbinding, tempting and hypnotic control these damn books had on me? There was no doubt that I was in my accustomed super sonic velocity super hero mode, capable of sensing any influential and powerful force from miles away, to be able to beam them off from our solar system before they could attack my good judgment and violently molest my decision making prowess. I guess its powers were too strong even for Mr. Super Sonic Velocity Man here. I am totally admitting my defeat Na, against these evil mind-hypnotizing books I am no match of. If you were at the same spot as I, Nina, you will come across an inevitable unavoidable urge and need to buy these evil books. You have to buy them. Yes, they are all evil and there is no way for you to escape. It’s just a matter of necessity. I know. It is THAT strong.

So, don’t be angry with me for buying books that usually end up being ornaments to my room. I never wanted them in the first place. The evil books made me do it.

An Ode For Forgiveness Part 2:

We have been anticipating and expecting for it to happen but when it did happen, it went out of control. I failed to foresee the consequences and took you down to drown with me. It should not have happened that way but the hunger kept us from being rational, it kept our once constantly reasoned intelligence from being coherent about the things that we were about to do. If there is a need to blame somebody, that somebody should be me.

You trusted me to navigate the ark, to plot the route for both of us every time we set sail on our little conquests to achieve our highest earthly heavens, to impede us from going off the course and to marshal through even if the surge was too strong. I have failed you sayang, I have failed us. The tide was too vigorous and it made me fall down. I should have been more responsible and should not have let hunger blind my sight and reason.

I hate myself for letting it happen. I barely slept since that night. Left, right or center, all seem to be paths with clogged end for me. To make things worse, I know for a fact that all these things that I have to put up with, were only bits and chunks compared to the ordeals and traumas that you have to deal with every day.

Forgive me, sayang, forgive me.

Book Review: Lords of Chaos – The Bloody Rise of The Satanic Metal Underground

Lords of Chaos – The Bloody Rise of The Satanic Metal Underground, Micheal Moynihan and Didrik Soderlind, Feral House, 1998

I bought this book a few months ago and managed to finish it a few days after buying it. It was an intense but a good read altogether although the approach, the style of writing is quite academic, necessary, from my point of view, for a book which chronicled the world’s most notorious music since the formation of the hexachord system by Guido of Arezzo, which spurred the unearthing of the satanic chords (diabolus in musica) way back in the 18th century, to be taken seriously. The music they call Black Metal. It requires a tune so that people will take the book seriously.

I have been listening to this kind of tune since primary school and the one accountable for introducing me to this music was not any of my friends or older relatives, but a local Malaysian tabloid. Untarnished still in my hazy remembrance, I was quite captivated by this diabolical music through an article in that particular tabloid that did a 2-page special report on the subject, complete with cool pictures and band logos. They even listed all these so called satanic rock bands for my trouble-free reference. And that was in 1995 if my memory serves me correctly. I was very inquisitive and very much the curious cat. It was like a giant whirlpool sucking me in and there were no ways for me to escape these enthralling madness of sorrow, supremacy and extreme aggressiveness. I got to try this, I said to myself. It took me no more than 5 second to convert myself from a nerd into a metal and hard rock listening nerd. Still a nerd but a different kind of nerd. It took me no more than the next week later for me to buy my first record. Talk about ultra influential. I have been a devoted fan and an avid listener ever since. I live happily ever after and my life has never been the same again.

Enough about my metal fairy tale and lets check this book out. Since the orientation of this book is quite academic, the read was quite deep, hectic and more often than not, quite tiring since the authors have widened their extent of investigation beyond the musician and its miniature circle. This includes outsiders who were directly involved with the satanic scene. Thus giving the reader more elaborative facts from different perspectives and distinguished angles. Although there are several general issues covered and discussed by the authors, I can see that the reason for the publication of this book was more towards exploiting the notoriety of the Norwegian Black Metal scene, the birthplace of what was known to be as the second wave of Black Metal (Mayhem, Burzum, Dark Throne, Immortal, Emperor, Enslaved are all Norwegian bands). A chunk of pages was dedicated to its early inception, the power struggle, suicide, the murders and the church burnings, which all in fact happened in Norway. In case you do not know, Black Metal was once Norway’s main export. Black metal bands being nominated in the Norwegian Grammy is quite normal there. I would like to see that kind of openness here.

Two of the most important individuals, highly influential to the early inception of Satanic Black Metal in Norway, Oysten Aarseth aka Euronymous and Varg Vikernes aka Count Grishnackh, were heavily dealt with in one of its chapters. Besides touching on the history or the early development of the Black Metal sound, the book also features interviews with who’s who from the scene (the infamous members of the Inner Circle. the Black Metal Mafia as the Norwegian press called it) and quite elaborative on the music’s influence through out the world.

It is a good read, highly recommended to those who really want to dig deep into the music judging the music by its cover, since Malaysia had (still having) her fair share of controversy (known worldwide, even Ian Christe mentioned the conservativeness of Malaysia in his book, Sound of the Beast. Maybe we do live on trees) with regard to this highly intolerable form of entertainment (yes, entertainment. Intolerable but still entertainment). At the peak of the second wave of the so-called Black Metal controversy, instigated, by the way, by the very same tabloid responsible for introducing me to this wonderful music 18 years earlier, I found a book about Black Metal written by one Ann Wan Seng, a local muslim author, published somewhere in 2007, simply titled Kesesatan Black Metal (the deviousness of Black Metal) which was totally crappy and nauseating. That guy just copy pasted some crap about Satanism from wikipedia, got some pictures from the net (anything with goats, five down-pointed stars and inverted crosses) and name the book Kesesatan Black Metal to get some extra money for coffee. Pathetic.

Anyway, I got this one from Kinokunia, KLCC, with 394 pages and it costs me RM75.80. My copy was the second edition and was published in 2003.

Welcome To Boleh-Land:

When the High Court decided in favor of Pakatan Rakyat a few weeks ago, hammering what everybody thought to be the last nail declaring that Datuk Seri Nizar Jamaluddin was the rightful Chief Minister of Perak, all of a sudden everybody in the opposition came to a conclusion that the judiciary has finally been liberated from the so called “iron claws” of the “treacherous” executives and the dignity of the Courts have been restored. Relieved and revived, Malaysia was once again the people’s cotton candy, ice cream sundae and chocolate syrup. Sweets, bonbons, sugar and spice, taco bells, roti canai and everything nice. 

But when the Court of Appeal over ruled the High Courts decision and came to a decision to give Dr. Zambry back his throne of Ahab, which was against “the people’s” favor, against the true people’s champion, everyone bad mouthed the judicial system. All of a sudden it appears to them that the Malaysian judiciary, after all this while was showing only rare glimpses of independence in cases important to the regime. All of a sudden, the judiciary is still tainted. All of a sudden, Malaysia is now a disgrace, a slump of cow dung and a hideous and monstrous Boleh-land.

An Ode For Forgiveness:

We just had a fall out. I don’t know what went wrong. All I wanted to do was to show you that I really do care for you, more than anything else, because I really do. The fact that my steps are limited and my hands are tied really freaked me out. I said to myself, maybe I worry too much. Or maybe I was jealous that you were out there having dinner with somebody else and here I was all alone, worrying about you. Maybe you were right, I worry too much and I should not be thinking too much. 

I never expected that you will lash me for not being able to compose myself. I was not angry and I never blamed you for anything. I was just glad to know that you are out of harms way but I also needed you to know that it was too traumatic for me. Maybe it was the darkness of the night or maybe I was thinking too much. But I totally understand why you acted that way. You dont have to call me tomorrow to seek forgiveness for letting your exhaustion on me. It is not your fault. It's me who've failed to be the best person that you, in the first place, deserve.   

I should have comprehended the fact that you just had a long tiring day, that you just worn yourself out, you are exhausted and that you needed some rest. Having this five year old nagging for your attention would just adds up to the exhaustion. Furthermore you have already told me that you will get back to me as soon as possible and there should not have been any reason for me to cancel my meeting in the first place. Maybe I was too fucked up. I should have been more considerate. 

I should have brought you out of your bad day and cuddled you with a warm hug. I should have let you know how much I was missing you and how much I was craving for your warm embrace and attention. I should have whispered loving words and kissed you out of the fatigue. I should have overwhelmed you with love. Forgive me sayang for not doing all that when you needed it the most. I should memorise all the things that I should be doing, what I'm here for. 

My job was to make everything OK for you and not to make things worse. Maybe I was too busy being emotional and was to busy wiping my tears that I truly have forgotten what I needed to do, what I was supposed to do. Please forgive me for everything that came out of me that caused you pain. Deep from within this tired heart I only wanted you to be safe. 

I have composed myself and sent you a short SMS but I know it is going to take more than that to cheer you up so I jumped out of my bed to write you this ode so that by the time you finish reading this, you would forgive me and take me back into your arms. I just want you to know that I only have you and only you. I love you so much.

I just wish I could have been a better person for you. 

Book Review: Bang Your Head - The Rise and Fall of Heavy Metal

Bang Your Head: The Rise and Fall of Heavy Metal, David Konow, Three Rivers Press, 2002.

I always have been fascinated with both music and history and a book about the history of a particular music is just like killing two birds with one stone. I have read a few books about the history of heavy metal and Bang Your Head is the least elevating one. Of course it was a fun read, but all Rock n Roll books are fun to read. The only thing that made me bought this book is the fact that I have yet to find a book about the rise and fall of the 80’s Cock Rock (Malaysian equivalent to Rock Kapak) scene, and this book, although not as comprehensive and thorough as I hoped it should, contained some murky information about the craze, the 80’s world wide fad, which helped launch MTV to a gainful and profitable broadcast.

Towering hairs and cans of hair sprays, fishnets and spandexes, groupies and backstage passes and the unforgettable Power Ballads and yes, the bands. Bands in the likes of Motley Crue, Guns N Roses, Quiet Riot and Poison took the world by storm. It made its way to the Malaysian shores and before you know it, Search, Wings, Lefthanded and May, just to name a few, became Sunset strip’s little ambassadors.

The book is 496 page thick and the front cover depicts the dullest book cover I have ever seen. Being a person who normally judges a book by its cover (literally), it would have been better if the publisher opted to coat the front cover black and print the title somewhere in the middle white, I would have bought the book right there and then. The cover was sort of a cut and pastes assemble, with zerox quality coloration that I believe for the purpose of going after the old school fanzine feel.

The story telling was light; it gave a good bird’s eye view of the cock rock scene back in the early 80’s; the book was a fun read nonetheless but it could have been better though. Besides the lack of depth, the book was also in short of photos. You do not write a book about Rock N Roll, describe the glorious vista of the legendary Sunset Strip, illustrate hundreds of crazy ass bands and have just a couple of photos in it!

I bought this one Frinday last week. Got it from Kinokuniya, KLCC and it costs me RM60.

An Entry About An Entry:

Some of my close associates expressed to me of their curiosity about that one particular entry. Was it about what they thought it was about? If the answer is of the negative, would you believe me? Smile. I appreciate your concern and your inquisitiveness but the answer would be neither of any. Smile.

Subjectivity is always a profound theme and neither interpretation, if any, should be the ultimatum, thus a definite answer would just spoil the subjectivity of a subject in question. Provocation is always the best approach to spark a debate and a debate would not commence without concern. Having said that, I would also like to point out that subjectivity is also an excellent form of escapism. Smile.

In the Outside:

We have been doing it everyday now sayang and every time we did it, it felt like it was the first time. No one would have thought that we are actually doing it there and every time we done doing it there, this amazing feeling filled my heart. My heart beats faster and you never once fail to make me go around the bend. It was crazy. It was pure fucking holocaust. No pun intended.

And today, you stepped out of the arena. You actually did it. Not once, not twice but three times or more. I lost count because I was left speechless, overwhelmed with this burning desire and this simmering hunger. It sends shivers down my spine each time I thought of that. You in your purest form. Your natural beauty. You were so amazing beyond compare. It was hard for me to explain and even harder for me to put into plain words. Hard. 

But the better it will get as the harder it goes. The deeper it sank the better it flows. We drifted onto dry land and we shall laugh about it for days to come. Reminisce.

Minimal:

I prefer uniformity and order, hence the justly aligned texts. It is enjoyably pleasing to be able to see that the height and weight of each of these paragraphs are equally and evenly distributed. I prefer minimalism and plainness, hence the simple decoration and the plain white background color. 

Simplicity means that it, what ever it is, can simply and easily be arranged. Effortless. It also diminishes the hazards that are bound to happen from not being able to put everything into one system, what ever that thing is. System means order and order means structured tranquility. Structured tranquility means having to open my eyes to a minimal and plain beauty, the natural beauty, the kind of beauty i prefer. Lesser is the risk of anarchism the lesser the risk of having too much to think. Lesser thinking means more space to not think. More space to not think means more time to enjoy and relax and not worry about having to think.

The Miracle:

Do you still remember that night Na, when we first met? One and a half years ago? I was attracted to you via your intelligence and wit. Not to mention your proficiency with the language. You tested me and tested my strength of character while I was psycho-analyzing you in return. You were being so secretive, witty but cautiously secretive. And the hammer of curiosity fell over me. Each time you opt to answer my innocent curiosities, instead of giving me a straight answer, you tossed me weird puzzles. It took me no more than two second to fall deeply in love with you. I was in love with a fifteen year old Cendol hawker who owns a Cendol stall some where in Mid Valley and spends her free time counting her daily profits. Business must have been really good. Or so I thought.

As it turns out to be, I have fallen in love with a gorgeous girl who is so intelligent and clever, smart and knowledgeable, witty and sharp, independent and open-minded, steadfast and committed, sensitive and insightful, elegant and stylish, romantic and passionate, idealistic and politically conscious, understanding and thoughtful, caring and compassionate, loving and devoted, motherly and kind, the most amazing and wonderful person that I never ever thought exist. Nicholas Spark ought to write a novel about us. The Miracle.

The weirdest thing is that that same feeling, that very same feeling I have for you one and a half years ago is still deeply intact. That same overwhelming and out of this world feeling I have for you na, from day one is still there and growing. It weird because I found no words that could do justice to even a small part it. What is it? I don't know. Is it love? Beats me. It is beyond love. It is called kesempurnaan. You are my kesempurnaan Na.

Thank you for everything. I dedicate this blog to you Nina Airene. My love my heart my soul. I love you.

London Park:

I have been planning the trip for quite a while now. A trip to Kota Bharu. My home town. It has been like what? 5 years?

I just wanted to experience staying at one of the most prestigious hotels there is in town with the boys. Planning to take a dip or two in the swimming pool as early as my morning can be, feeling the cleaner air of my hometown, listening to the much missed morning resonances of the crickets, the chirping morning birds and the morning breeze I used to embrace routinely every time I woke up for school when I was still a younger version of me. Away from the loud ruckuses and noises of the moving machines of the KL city.

I want to visit my kampung, the endearing and lovable Kampung Lundang Paku, or London Park as my old friends and I used to call her and walk down some memory lanes. To reminisce some of the old spots where I used to religiously loiter with my friends every night smoking 20 cents a piece cigarettes before running back into the mosque for our Isya' prayer. Yes, we were notorious, young and dangerous and yet still found time to do what we were there to do.

I want to drive along the road that I used to use, riding my black Raleigh bicycle to reach school every morning. I tried to reach school as early as possible, or at least earlier than Mamat, my classmate who was the son of Mak Wan the canteen operator. He is always the first to arrive. Well, his house was like a few paddy fields away from school where as mine was like a kilometer. I want to see the old scary jungle, the old swamp, the old brick factory, the old paddy factory, the rubber estate, the paddy fields and the good old Sekolah Kebangsaan Beta Hulu, my old playground while I was growing up and wanted to become a postman. When I was smaller, my grandfather used to take me to school on his Basikal Tua. I would be sitting behind him staring at the morning sky counting the myriads of stars above me.

I crave for the tranquil night air of Kota Bharu. I want to witness again its beautiful people. I want to go and buy the much missed Nasi Kuning. My grandmother used to buy me a bungkus of the delicious Nasi Kuning every time she comes back from Town. You see Nina, my grandmother was one amongst the many Kelantanese women who crowded the well-known Pasar Besar Siti Khadijah before her sons and daughter, my uncles and aunt, told her to take a break. Once she showed me the location where she had to wait for the transport home. And it’s a long walk from the Padang Bas Night Market, where my much loved Nasi Kuning was being sold. It brought tears to my eyes.

I want to experience my favorite Kelantanese cuisine, the ever so mouth-watering Daging Kerutuk. It is by far one of the many important reasons why I wanted to visit Kota Bharu. I missed the spicy dry kuah on top of a plate (or two) Nasi Putih in front of me. What better way to entice things up, if not with a bit of Budu Cap Ketereh in the picture. Pure fucking Holocaust.

I just cant wait. Kota Bharu here I come.

p/s: Next time Na, I will bring you along. Insya Allah. I can guarantee that you will love Sos Bilis.

Happy Belated Mothers Day:

After my father passed away in a terrible car-motorcycle accident, my mother remarried and relocated leaving me to my grandparent. As far as I can remember, in my lifetime, if my recollection serves me correctly, I only met her a few times and most of that few times, which were not more than 5 all in all, I was too damn young to commit any of the meetings into my pubescent and virgin memory.

The last time I met her was when my dreaded uncle, to my dismay, decided to stop by from a return trip to Kota Bharu from Kuala Lumpur. Of all the places he could have stopped. I was still a rebellious punk rock teenager back then and I revolted against the idea but who was I, I was only hitching a ride home and I have no control over the wheels. Darn! When I was in the house with her sitting bersimpuh on the floor to my right, I made sure that there were no eye contacts what so ever. As far as I can remember, the last time I heard, I have like 5 or 6 stepbrothers and sisters. I think I did saw a few of them running in and out of the house. Little brats.

I have not heard anything from her since. It is odd that I do not feel a thing. Is that bad? I hope not.

When I first started writing songs, the very first song I wrote was called Permata Buat Bonda. That acoustic ballad number was included in Wildan’s second album under the title Permataku. Wildan, a local nasyid group and a nominee in the recent Music Industry Award, hand picked the song. I heard the song was one of the two most popular songs in the album, only second to their first single, which was also composed by me. Haha. I don’t mean to brag nina, but I have good ears for the radio. Haha.

Mothers were always the easiest theme to construct songs upon. I have little difficulty composing songs about mothers and I do not know why. That is the only subject where I can be so easily inspired although I, however, cannot say the same when it comes to fathers. And I do not know why.

But the bottom line is that to those who still have their mothers, value them when you still have the time. Show yourself that you can appreciate them before it is too late, before the angels decide to take them home.

Happy belated mothers day.

Perak's Predicament:

My handsome Boss informed me just now that the High Court has come to a conclusion and decided that Dato Seri Nizar is the rightful Menteri Besar of Perak. Furthermore, the Court has also concluded that a Menteri Besar can only be dismissed through a vote of no confidence by referring to a 1966 case of the wrongful dismissal of Dato Stephen Kalong Ningkan from the State Governors office of Sarawak. I immediately texted Nina.

Although the power to appoint a Menteri Besar is solely vested upon the Sultan, His royal highness, however, does not have the authority to dismiss him (read: Nizar). Dato Seri Anwar Ibrahim will definitely be smiling from ear to ear when he gets a hold of this jovial predicament. Congratulations.

On the other hand, quoting a short comment from my handsome Boss with regard to the recent quandary, which I whole-heartedly share and support with an ear-to-ear smile of my own and I quote “this hubbub is nothing more than a shaggy dog story at the expense of the country”.

What will be the consequence of the decision? Would Dato Zambry opt to step out from the Menteri Besar's office willingly and cooperatively or will there be another Royal London Circus episode where Nizar has to drag Zambry out physically? Would there be any appeals that would prolong everything including the People’s fate? What will happen to the people? Would there be another money and time wasting election? Would there be a new budget to re-buy the Camrys? Will the new state government auction the newly bought Perdanas in order to buy new Camrys? When will it end?

And Nina, why am I writing about politics in Metaforakami?

Biru:

Saya menjadi rajin untuk menulis entri kerana saya suka melihat skin baru untuk blog saya. Ia mempunyai ciri ciri minimalis yang saya suka. Kemas, bersih, sopan dan minimal. Tambah pula dengan alignment text yang justified menambahkan lagi kekemasan susunan dan lay out blog ini. Apatah lagi dengan kehadiran grafik minimal sepohon pokok berwarna biru yang dibawahnya terdapat sebuah kerusi panjang yang juga berwarna biru. Dengan tajuk blog yang berwarna hijau dan deskripsi kecil berwarna kelabu, sememangnya blog ini cantik dan kemas sekali. Seperti yang saya mahukan.

Saya tahu Nina cemburu.

Memori Sadis Si Anarkis:

Head Down (1997-1999)
Band pertama saya ketika masih menuntut di Sekolah Menengah. Ketika ini saya mula berjinak jinak dengan perkakasan drum. Dirumah saya mempunyai set drum sendiri yang dibuat daripada Bantal dan juga dahan jambu sebagai stick. Nirvana dan Butterfingers adalah band yang mana lagu lagu mereka menjadi rutin latihan. Head Down adalah sebuah band grunge rock. Anggota: Alif - Guitar, Nasrol/Fitri - Bass, Syakirin - Vokal dan Saya - Drum.

Ancaman (2000-2001)
Band kedua selepas Head Down. Ketika saya mula bergiat didalam aktiviti aktiviti subversif bersama rakan rakan. Ancaman terdiri daripada individu individu elite didalam scene Punk HC Kota bharu. Saya mula berjinak jinak dengan Bass, walaupun sampai kesudah saya tidak pernah tahu bagaimana untuk memetiknya secara sempurna. Ancaman adalah sebuah band Punk Hardcore Grind. Anggota: Poodien - Drum, Faisal - Vokal, Azril - vokal dan saya - bass.

Shabra Shatila (2000-2001)
Side projek yang disertai dengan niat menolong band kawan kawan. Sebuah band Emo HC yang berkiblatkan Boy Sets Fire. Menggunakan sedikit skil yang ada untuk bermain drum. Ia adalah sebuah band yang menyeronokkan. Shabra Shatila adalah sebuah band Emo Hardcore. Anggota: Dean - Vokal, Firdaus - Vokal, Azwan - Bass, Nazier - guitar dan saya - Drum.

Kontra Komunal (2003-2004)
Side projek pop yang beteraskan indonesian Pop jauh sebelum kegilaan muzik pop indonesia menyerang Malaysia. Meminati lagu lagu awal daripada indie rock influenced bands seperti SO7, Padi dan Gigi. Saya bermain drum dan menyanyikan suara latar untuk band ini. Kontra Komunal adalah sebuah band Pop. Anggota: Faisal - Vokal, Nazier - Guitar dan saya - Drum.

Hizbi (2001-2002)
Hizbi adalah kumpulan nasyid yang saya tubuhkan ketika melanjutkan pelajaran di Pusat matrikulasi Universiti. Dianggotai oleh rakan rakan seblik yang secara kebetulan meminati nasyid. Disini saya mula berjinak jinak dengan harmoni. Mula bereksplorasi dengan suara harmoni lapisan ketiga atau third voice seperti yang selalu digunakan oleh penasyid. Sempat menjayakan beberapa persembahan didalam Universiti. Hizbi adalah sebuah kumpulan Nasyid. Anggota: Kamal, Abdullah, Azri, Richard dan saya.

One Faith (2002-2003)
Ditubuhkan bersama kawan kawan yang meminati acappella. Selepas Hizbi dibubarkan, saya melanjutkan pelajaran ke Kampus Utama bersama beberapa ahli lama Hizbi. Ini adalah kumpulan pertama saya berjaya merealisasikan niat pertama saya ketika menjejakkan kaki ke kampus utama iaitu untuk mengadakan persembahan di dewan utamanya. One Faith adalah sebuah kumpulan Nasyid Acappella. Anggota: Kamal, Abdullah, Azmi, Radzlan dan Saya.

Marjaan (2003-2005)
Marjaan merupakan sebuah kumpulan nasyid yang sudah establish dan sudah bertapak sejak tahun 1999. Saya ditarik untuk masuk kedalam kumpulan ini memandangkan saya berkemampuan untuk berharmoni dan juga kerana saya berasal dari Kelantan yang juga negeri asal pengasas kumpulan ini. Hampir merakam album dan Marjaan merupakan kumpulan saya yang paling serious. Marjaan adalah sebuah kumpulan nasyid kontemporari. Anggota: Wan Hazaruddin, Fadhli, Khalil, Hahmarol dan Saya.

Solemn (2004)
Setelah letih dan penat dengan nasyid, saya mencuba scene baru iaitu RnB. Solemn adalah kumpulan pertama yang saya tubuhkan bersama dengan rakan rakan yang mempunyai minat yang sama. Lebih kepada keseronokan menyanyikan lagu secara acappella. Hayat kumpulan ini tidak lama. Solemn adalah sebuah kumpulan Acappella. Anggota: Fahmi, Anuar, Amer Erwan, Rafik dan saya.

Infinatez (2004-2006)
Kumpulan RnB yang serious. Sempat menyertai pertandingan di Television. Melalui kumpulan ini saya berkenalan dengan banyak bakat bakat baru yang mempunyai minat yang sama. Infinatez adalah sebuah kumpulan RnB Soul. Anggota: Rafik, Shah Hans, Amer Erwan, Syaiful, Andy Ariffin, Daniel, Alvin dan Saya.

Filsufatia (2005-active)
Filsufatia adalah One Man Band projek saya sejak dari tahun 2005. Lebih kepada eksperimen menggunakan software. Saya pastikan setiap tahun Filsufatia akan menerbitkan sebuah demo. Ianya tempat untuk melempiaskan nafsu untuk mencipta muzik metal. Filsufatia adalah sebuah One Man Black Metal Band. Anggota: Saya.

Sentimental:

Aku suka tengok langit dan awan. Kerana langit biru itu bersih dan awan putih itu indah. Mengingatkan aku betapa agungnya kuasa Tuhan, betapa kecilnya aku berbanding alam. Berarak perlahan sang awan merentasi langit indah. Mengingatkan aku petang petang gemilang yang mendamaikan dikala aku masih kecil. Bermain riang. Bersila di petak petak sawah yang masih kering. Ia mengingatkan aku pada layang layang. Namun ia memberikan aku lima minit ketenangan.

Aku suka tengok hujan. Bagaikan peluru peluru bertaburan dari langit. Titis titis kecil yang jatuh ke bumi. Seringkali buat aku tertanya, bagaimanakah perjalanan setitis hujan yang dikandung awan, sebelum menjunam jatuh kebumi merentasi ruang kosong diantara langit. Pasti hebat. Bunyi hujan tidak pernah gagal membuat aku berasa damai dan rasa nyaman yang memeluk erat membuatku terus lena. Bagai aku tidak keseorangan.

Aku suka tengok matahari terbenam memancarkan warna jingga yang gemilang. Aku gembira setiap kali ada pancaran pancaran terang masuk menyelinap menerangi bilik kecil ku di waktu petang. Aku terkesima. Lalu kukuakkan tingkap dan memandang ke ufuk. Langit fajar yang indah bagaikan lukisan yang tersusun dan sempurna. Indah. Hati menjadi gemilang. Betapa pelukis yang bernama Tuhan.

Aku suka tengok langit berbintang diwaktu malam. Bertaburan bintang bintang yang entah berapa jauhnya seolah olah kembali melihat aku dibumi yang merenung mereka tanpa henti. Kerlipan kerlipan megah membuatkan aku tersenyum sendirian. Tidak pernah puas aku mendongak dan melihat bentuk bentuk melalui sambungan sambungan rekaan cipta mata. Cantik. Mutiara di malam malam hening. Permata yang menyejukkan jiwa.

Duhai Tuhan, agung sekali ciptaan mu. Terima kasih kerana memberiku peluang melihat dan memakmurkan alam mu yang sebegini indah. Walau yang lain tidak peduli biar aku sahaja yang mengerti kerana karya mu pada alam adalah karya yang paling mendamaikan.

Questions Only:

Permainan mulut yang paling aku suka main dengan Nina, selain the kissing with passion game, adalah game Questions Only. Ianya diadaptasi daripada satu skit dari rancangan improv comedy popular di UK dan selepas itu US bernama Whose Line Is It Anyway. Game ini perlukan minda yang tangkas, akal yang laju dan otak yang super cerdik kerana peraturannya adalah setiap soalan perlu dijawab dengan soalan sepantas yang mungkin. Jika dia menjawab soalan itu dengan jawapan, maka dia akan kalah. Nina selalu kalah, maka siapa pemenangnya tak perlulah dipersoalkan lagi apatah lagi untuk dipertikai, kecuali oleh mereka mereka yang kalah dan tidak boleh menerima kekalahan. Jika Nina boleh menang (which is undeniably undoubtedly impossible), that day would be the day i should stop practicing as a lawyer.

Dan aku terus berdiri megah diatas tebing tinggi sambil memegang pedang tatkala rambut ditiup angin sepoi sepoi bahasa seperti seorang pahlawan highlander yang baru memenangi perang.

Yang Beruntung Itu Aku:

Dia sangat cantik macam bidadari, bijak macam pemain catur, cerdik macam kancil, manja macam anak kecil, memahami macam doktor, penyayang macam guru, keibuan macam tokoh wanita, elegan macam first lady, feminin, berkarier, driven macam Chris Gardner (pursuit of happiness), independent macam feminis, beragama, strong, hebat di ranjang (tiada tolok bandingnya), pandai memasak macam chef, penyabar macam cikgu tadika, baik hati, lemah lembut, sopan santun macam perempuan melayu terakhir dan politikal macam cendekiawan Greek.

Nah! Siapa yang beruntung sebenarnya? Yang beruntung itu aku.

Benign:

Most of my friends and close associates calls me Benign. I do not know why but i kind of played along and eventually it stuck. I am glad it stuck, at least now i got my self a nick name. Not John, not Mike nor Buyong like some of my so-called friends tried to call me. Buyong? Come on fellas, give me a fucking break.

I believe some of them did not even know what my real name is. My real name is Hafeez, you jerks. Stop calling my home line asking for a Benign. Try Mr. Cool, you may get lucky. I do prefer Mr. Dashingly Handsome though.

I do believe I am the one and only person in this whole wide world, whos lucky enough to be named after a cancerous tumor. Try google for benign, most probably one referring to yours truly will end up on the hundredth page if not the last. Damn those Benign Malignant tumors.

Benign is also a rarely used word for kind. I would like to add that it is also a word for handsome, generous, noble, gorgeous, warm, poetic, funny, desirable, intelligent, smart, witty, talented, understanding, caring, visionary, humble, polite, nice and extremely sweet. Have i mentioned handsome? Ok, good looking.

Why do i post an entry about my name? Because i just got a cool new lay out and the need to write is just so damn irresistible. Good night sayang.

Archivo de life:

I shall write you one thousand poems with your name in every line.
I shall sing to you a million melodies with your scent in every rhyme.
I shall whisper to you the cheesiest line so that you will end up smiling each and every time.
I shall be forever in debt knowing that you are now mine.
You are always on my mind.

This is for you.

Cinta Kita:

Seluruh jiwa raga. Sedalam lautan yang paling dalam. Sepuas rasa. Setinggi gunung menembusi tingkat tingkat syurga dunia, langit langit yang terbina. Sebelum ini tidak pernah tertanding apatah lagi untuk dibanding. Perasaan yang tersimpan sudah tidak ada kata yang boleh memberi makna yang sewajarnya. Bahagia yang tidan mampu di ulas dek kata kata. Hingga benar benar merasa bahawa ianya diluar batas dunia. Gila. Memang gila tapi memang benar. Sanggup melakukan apa sahaja dan sanggup berkorban segala galanya hanya untuk pasti bahawa ia kekal didalam dakap, didalam rasa, dilamun cinta. Tak pernah mempersoal tidak pernah dipersoal. Jujur dan percaya berpijak dibumi nyata dengan syukur diucapkan sentiasa agar tidak lupa dari mana asal datangnya ia. Ayat ayat bersambung tak bersuruh, kata kata tak terucap tapi tersuluh. Fikiran dibaca mengucap kata kata disaat yang sama. Bukan sekali dua tapi beribu dan berjuta. Hairan dan gila tapi kesefahaman itu datang dari Yang Esa. Mungkin ini dua rasa bahagia buat pasangan yang tercipta seperti yang dipuisikan didalam lidahNya. Dari mana dan kemana tidak pernah disentuh. Lengkap sempurna abadi doanya. Insya Allah.

Si Cerewet:

Siapa kaae abang cerewet. Abang tak cerewet. Abang memang tak cerewet. Nenek abang sendiri kata abang ni mudah nak dijaga sebab abang memang tak cerewet apatah lagi meminta minta. Oleh itu kesimpulanya abang memang tak cerewet.

Cerewet kah jikalau mengingatkan apa yang dimasak itu, biarlah dimasak dengan sempurna. Tidak pernah memilihpun apa yang ingin disedia. Masaklah apa sahaja yang disuka. Ayam, ikan, sotong atau kepala naga. Selagi halal, apa salahnya. Masaklah apa sahaja asalkan masaknya masak yang sempurna.

Memang abang lebih suka makan dirumah sahaja. Daripada membazir masa diluar sana. Masaklah apa sahaja, pasti abang akan rasa dan tidak akan pernah mahu berpaling dari meja. Hidangan tersedia, rezeki didepan mata. Doa sudah dibaca. Apalah salah sedikit teguran yang membina. Yang penting kita tetap makan dengan penuh selera.

Itu cerewet kah?

Pagi Yang Suci:

Didalam hening pagi, ayam jantan bertarung suara, kita masih berselimut di dalam gelap menunggu bilal melagukan azan menandakan waktu untuk solat. Aku melihat dia masih lena diseberang sana, tak terganggu lagi mendamaikan. Aku tenang melihat wajahnya. Hilang segala duka, hilang segala lara bahkan tiada setitispun sengsara. Yang terukir hanya bahagia. Bahagia di wajahnya dan bahagia diwajahku tatkala aku merenung wajahnya.

Waktu pagi yang mendamaikan tatkala azan bersahutan, sang bilal memanggil manggil hamba hamba Tuhan untuk bangun dan menunaikan kewajipan. Termasuk aku dan termasuk juga dia. Lalu perlahan lahan ku sapa bahunya sambil membisikan kata cinta ketelinganya, mengejutnya untuk bangun, mensucikan diri dan menghadap pencipta.

Dikala matanya terbuka, seakan ingin bersumpah bahawa aku telah melihat syurga. Melihat manja, mata kita bertemu dan hati kita bertamu lalu jiwa kita bersatu. Ku gagahi kudrat ku yang masih layu untuk ku angkat tubuh gemalaimu sambil tertawa. Hanya satu sahaja kata yang mampu ku bisikkan pada dia. Aku bahagia.

Sehabis sahaja yang wajib diselesaikan, ku kucup dahinya lantas dia mencium tangan ku tanda setia, tanda janji untuk memulakan hidup untuk hari itu dengan sumpah setia berselimut cinta yang luar biasa. Aku memandangnya dengan penuh rasa syukur. Ingin benarku bertanya, bidadari apakah yang bersimpuh dihadapanku ini. Yang pasti dia hanya akan tertawa.

Hanya satu sahaja kata yang mampu ku bisikkan pada dia. Aku bahagia. Dan segala puji hanya pada Sang Pencipta. Alhamdulillah.

Kata Lain:

Encik Bulan, bolehkah awak tunjukkan kepada saya kata lain untuk cinta agar saya dapat merasa puas meluahkan perasaan ini kepada dia, dikala kata kata lain sudah tidak mampu memberi wajah pada nilai sebenar pada rasa? Saya tidak keruan dan sudah tidak tertahan.

Encik Bulan, jika tidak keberatan bisikkan pada saya kata lain untuk cinta agar dapat saya bisikkan ketelinga dia seribu dan sejuta kali berjuta juta kali agar saya dan dia dapat merasa nikmat dan puasnya meluahkan rasa. Saya buntuk kerana saya sering tak upaya.

Encik Bulan, sudah berkali kali saya mengadu dan sudah berkali kali saya mengeluh resah dan berpeluh kerana puas sudah saya belek puas sudah saya baca kamus kamus luar biasa ciptaan cendekia cendekia untuk mencari kata lain yang lebih sesuai dan lebih indah untuk saya puisikan untuk dia, namun sentiasa hampa.

Encik Bulan, apakah perasaan ini? Cintakah ini?