An Ode For Forgiveness:

We just had a fall out. I don’t know what went wrong. All I wanted to do was to show you that I really do care for you, more than anything else, because I really do. The fact that my steps are limited and my hands are tied really freaked me out. I said to myself, maybe I worry too much. Or maybe I was jealous that you were out there having dinner with somebody else and here I was all alone, worrying about you. Maybe you were right, I worry too much and I should not be thinking too much. 

I never expected that you will lash me for not being able to compose myself. I was not angry and I never blamed you for anything. I was just glad to know that you are out of harms way but I also needed you to know that it was too traumatic for me. Maybe it was the darkness of the night or maybe I was thinking too much. But I totally understand why you acted that way. You dont have to call me tomorrow to seek forgiveness for letting your exhaustion on me. It is not your fault. It's me who've failed to be the best person that you, in the first place, deserve.   

I should have comprehended the fact that you just had a long tiring day, that you just worn yourself out, you are exhausted and that you needed some rest. Having this five year old nagging for your attention would just adds up to the exhaustion. Furthermore you have already told me that you will get back to me as soon as possible and there should not have been any reason for me to cancel my meeting in the first place. Maybe I was too fucked up. I should have been more considerate. 

I should have brought you out of your bad day and cuddled you with a warm hug. I should have let you know how much I was missing you and how much I was craving for your warm embrace and attention. I should have whispered loving words and kissed you out of the fatigue. I should have overwhelmed you with love. Forgive me sayang for not doing all that when you needed it the most. I should memorise all the things that I should be doing, what I'm here for. 

My job was to make everything OK for you and not to make things worse. Maybe I was too busy being emotional and was to busy wiping my tears that I truly have forgotten what I needed to do, what I was supposed to do. Please forgive me for everything that came out of me that caused you pain. Deep from within this tired heart I only wanted you to be safe. 

I have composed myself and sent you a short SMS but I know it is going to take more than that to cheer you up so I jumped out of my bed to write you this ode so that by the time you finish reading this, you would forgive me and take me back into your arms. I just want you to know that I only have you and only you. I love you so much.

I just wish I could have been a better person for you.