An Ode For Forgiveness Part 2:

We have been anticipating and expecting for it to happen but when it did happen, it went out of control. I failed to foresee the consequences and took you down to drown with me. It should not have happened that way but the hunger kept us from being rational, it kept our once constantly reasoned intelligence from being coherent about the things that we were about to do. If there is a need to blame somebody, that somebody should be me.

You trusted me to navigate the ark, to plot the route for both of us every time we set sail on our little conquests to achieve our highest earthly heavens, to impede us from going off the course and to marshal through even if the surge was too strong. I have failed you sayang, I have failed us. The tide was too vigorous and it made me fall down. I should have been more responsible and should not have let hunger blind my sight and reason.

I hate myself for letting it happen. I barely slept since that night. Left, right or center, all seem to be paths with clogged end for me. To make things worse, I know for a fact that all these things that I have to put up with, were only bits and chunks compared to the ordeals and traumas that you have to deal with every day.

Forgive me, sayang, forgive me.

Book Review: Lords of Chaos – The Bloody Rise of The Satanic Metal Underground

Lords of Chaos – The Bloody Rise of The Satanic Metal Underground, Micheal Moynihan and Didrik Soderlind, Feral House, 1998

I bought this book a few months ago and managed to finish it a few days after buying it. It was an intense but a good read altogether although the approach, the style of writing is quite academic, necessary, from my point of view, for a book which chronicled the world’s most notorious music since the formation of the hexachord system by Guido of Arezzo, which spurred the unearthing of the satanic chords (diabolus in musica) way back in the 18th century, to be taken seriously. The music they call Black Metal. It requires a tune so that people will take the book seriously.

I have been listening to this kind of tune since primary school and the one accountable for introducing me to this music was not any of my friends or older relatives, but a local Malaysian tabloid. Untarnished still in my hazy remembrance, I was quite captivated by this diabolical music through an article in that particular tabloid that did a 2-page special report on the subject, complete with cool pictures and band logos. They even listed all these so called satanic rock bands for my trouble-free reference. And that was in 1995 if my memory serves me correctly. I was very inquisitive and very much the curious cat. It was like a giant whirlpool sucking me in and there were no ways for me to escape these enthralling madness of sorrow, supremacy and extreme aggressiveness. I got to try this, I said to myself. It took me no more than 5 second to convert myself from a nerd into a metal and hard rock listening nerd. Still a nerd but a different kind of nerd. It took me no more than the next week later for me to buy my first record. Talk about ultra influential. I have been a devoted fan and an avid listener ever since. I live happily ever after and my life has never been the same again.

Enough about my metal fairy tale and lets check this book out. Since the orientation of this book is quite academic, the read was quite deep, hectic and more often than not, quite tiring since the authors have widened their extent of investigation beyond the musician and its miniature circle. This includes outsiders who were directly involved with the satanic scene. Thus giving the reader more elaborative facts from different perspectives and distinguished angles. Although there are several general issues covered and discussed by the authors, I can see that the reason for the publication of this book was more towards exploiting the notoriety of the Norwegian Black Metal scene, the birthplace of what was known to be as the second wave of Black Metal (Mayhem, Burzum, Dark Throne, Immortal, Emperor, Enslaved are all Norwegian bands). A chunk of pages was dedicated to its early inception, the power struggle, suicide, the murders and the church burnings, which all in fact happened in Norway. In case you do not know, Black Metal was once Norway’s main export. Black metal bands being nominated in the Norwegian Grammy is quite normal there. I would like to see that kind of openness here.

Two of the most important individuals, highly influential to the early inception of Satanic Black Metal in Norway, Oysten Aarseth aka Euronymous and Varg Vikernes aka Count Grishnackh, were heavily dealt with in one of its chapters. Besides touching on the history or the early development of the Black Metal sound, the book also features interviews with who’s who from the scene (the infamous members of the Inner Circle. the Black Metal Mafia as the Norwegian press called it) and quite elaborative on the music’s influence through out the world.

It is a good read, highly recommended to those who really want to dig deep into the music judging the music by its cover, since Malaysia had (still having) her fair share of controversy (known worldwide, even Ian Christe mentioned the conservativeness of Malaysia in his book, Sound of the Beast. Maybe we do live on trees) with regard to this highly intolerable form of entertainment (yes, entertainment. Intolerable but still entertainment). At the peak of the second wave of the so-called Black Metal controversy, instigated, by the way, by the very same tabloid responsible for introducing me to this wonderful music 18 years earlier, I found a book about Black Metal written by one Ann Wan Seng, a local muslim author, published somewhere in 2007, simply titled Kesesatan Black Metal (the deviousness of Black Metal) which was totally crappy and nauseating. That guy just copy pasted some crap about Satanism from wikipedia, got some pictures from the net (anything with goats, five down-pointed stars and inverted crosses) and name the book Kesesatan Black Metal to get some extra money for coffee. Pathetic.

Anyway, I got this one from Kinokunia, KLCC, with 394 pages and it costs me RM75.80. My copy was the second edition and was published in 2003.

Welcome To Boleh-Land:

When the High Court decided in favor of Pakatan Rakyat a few weeks ago, hammering what everybody thought to be the last nail declaring that Datuk Seri Nizar Jamaluddin was the rightful Chief Minister of Perak, all of a sudden everybody in the opposition came to a conclusion that the judiciary has finally been liberated from the so called “iron claws” of the “treacherous” executives and the dignity of the Courts have been restored. Relieved and revived, Malaysia was once again the people’s cotton candy, ice cream sundae and chocolate syrup. Sweets, bonbons, sugar and spice, taco bells, roti canai and everything nice. 

But when the Court of Appeal over ruled the High Courts decision and came to a decision to give Dr. Zambry back his throne of Ahab, which was against “the people’s” favor, against the true people’s champion, everyone bad mouthed the judicial system. All of a sudden it appears to them that the Malaysian judiciary, after all this while was showing only rare glimpses of independence in cases important to the regime. All of a sudden, the judiciary is still tainted. All of a sudden, Malaysia is now a disgrace, a slump of cow dung and a hideous and monstrous Boleh-land.

An Ode For Forgiveness:

We just had a fall out. I don’t know what went wrong. All I wanted to do was to show you that I really do care for you, more than anything else, because I really do. The fact that my steps are limited and my hands are tied really freaked me out. I said to myself, maybe I worry too much. Or maybe I was jealous that you were out there having dinner with somebody else and here I was all alone, worrying about you. Maybe you were right, I worry too much and I should not be thinking too much. 

I never expected that you will lash me for not being able to compose myself. I was not angry and I never blamed you for anything. I was just glad to know that you are out of harms way but I also needed you to know that it was too traumatic for me. Maybe it was the darkness of the night or maybe I was thinking too much. But I totally understand why you acted that way. You dont have to call me tomorrow to seek forgiveness for letting your exhaustion on me. It is not your fault. It's me who've failed to be the best person that you, in the first place, deserve.   

I should have comprehended the fact that you just had a long tiring day, that you just worn yourself out, you are exhausted and that you needed some rest. Having this five year old nagging for your attention would just adds up to the exhaustion. Furthermore you have already told me that you will get back to me as soon as possible and there should not have been any reason for me to cancel my meeting in the first place. Maybe I was too fucked up. I should have been more considerate. 

I should have brought you out of your bad day and cuddled you with a warm hug. I should have let you know how much I was missing you and how much I was craving for your warm embrace and attention. I should have whispered loving words and kissed you out of the fatigue. I should have overwhelmed you with love. Forgive me sayang for not doing all that when you needed it the most. I should memorise all the things that I should be doing, what I'm here for. 

My job was to make everything OK for you and not to make things worse. Maybe I was too busy being emotional and was to busy wiping my tears that I truly have forgotten what I needed to do, what I was supposed to do. Please forgive me for everything that came out of me that caused you pain. Deep from within this tired heart I only wanted you to be safe. 

I have composed myself and sent you a short SMS but I know it is going to take more than that to cheer you up so I jumped out of my bed to write you this ode so that by the time you finish reading this, you would forgive me and take me back into your arms. I just want you to know that I only have you and only you. I love you so much.

I just wish I could have been a better person for you. 

Book Review: Bang Your Head - The Rise and Fall of Heavy Metal

Bang Your Head: The Rise and Fall of Heavy Metal, David Konow, Three Rivers Press, 2002.

I always have been fascinated with both music and history and a book about the history of a particular music is just like killing two birds with one stone. I have read a few books about the history of heavy metal and Bang Your Head is the least elevating one. Of course it was a fun read, but all Rock n Roll books are fun to read. The only thing that made me bought this book is the fact that I have yet to find a book about the rise and fall of the 80’s Cock Rock (Malaysian equivalent to Rock Kapak) scene, and this book, although not as comprehensive and thorough as I hoped it should, contained some murky information about the craze, the 80’s world wide fad, which helped launch MTV to a gainful and profitable broadcast.

Towering hairs and cans of hair sprays, fishnets and spandexes, groupies and backstage passes and the unforgettable Power Ballads and yes, the bands. Bands in the likes of Motley Crue, Guns N Roses, Quiet Riot and Poison took the world by storm. It made its way to the Malaysian shores and before you know it, Search, Wings, Lefthanded and May, just to name a few, became Sunset strip’s little ambassadors.

The book is 496 page thick and the front cover depicts the dullest book cover I have ever seen. Being a person who normally judges a book by its cover (literally), it would have been better if the publisher opted to coat the front cover black and print the title somewhere in the middle white, I would have bought the book right there and then. The cover was sort of a cut and pastes assemble, with zerox quality coloration that I believe for the purpose of going after the old school fanzine feel.

The story telling was light; it gave a good bird’s eye view of the cock rock scene back in the early 80’s; the book was a fun read nonetheless but it could have been better though. Besides the lack of depth, the book was also in short of photos. You do not write a book about Rock N Roll, describe the glorious vista of the legendary Sunset Strip, illustrate hundreds of crazy ass bands and have just a couple of photos in it!

I bought this one Frinday last week. Got it from Kinokuniya, KLCC and it costs me RM60.
 
 
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